The
given line graph and table give
data on the
number of
overseas visitors traveling to Australia in millions of people from the year
1975 to 2005 and
shows 【注意主谓一致问题，主语是The
given line graph and table，谓语应该用show】the
number of travelers from 6 different parts of the world.<!--?xml:namespace
prefix = "o" /-->
As
is presented in the line graph, in 1975, 8.8 million foreign visitors took trips
to Australia and this number increased steadily each year. In
2005, the number of travelers reached 30.4 million【本句中which引导代指前半句话的内容，建议用逗号隔开，非限制性定语从句】 which
is almost twice
as much as the number of visitors in 1975【1975年人数为8.8 million，2005年人数30.4
million，是1975年的两倍？远远不止两倍，信息错误】.
The
table gives the largest number of tourists, which
is more than 3 million Japanese visitors,
coming from Japan in
1975【一般不用“gives”表示图表“显示...”。前面已经提及是Japanese
visitors,后面无需再提到coming
from Japan，信息重复】.Furthermore,
in 2005, this number of tourists from Japan reached12 million which
contributed one-third
of the total tourists of this year【信息需更加准确，占游客人数的三分之一，one-third
of the total number
of the tourists
of this year】. South
Korea has the second
highest number of visitors coming
to Australia both in 1975 and in 2005 with 2.9 million and 9.1 million travelers
respectively. The
following countries of Europe, Britain, and USA obtained a decent
number of tourists【建议补充具体的数据或者对比，概念不清晰】 in
both 1975 and 2005 compared with the total number of visitors in Japan and South
Korea. However, Chinese visitors are the lowest in number among the six regions
with only 0.8 million in 2005.
In
sum, the number of total tourists who came to visit Australia increased steadily
and the highest number of tourist came from Asia, specifically from Japan and
South Korea.
{var%20f='http://v.t.sina.com.cn/share/share.php?appkey=1515056452',u=z||d.location,p=['&url=',e(u),'&title=',e(t||d.title),'&source=',e(r),'&sourceUrl=',e(l),'&content=',c||'gb2312','&pic=',e(p||'')].join('');function%20a(){if(!window.open([f,p].join(''),'mb',['toolbar=0,status=0,resizable=1,width=440,height=430,left=',(s.width-440)/2,',top=',(s.height-430)/2].join('')))u.href=[f,p].join('');};if(/Firefox/.test(navigator.userAgent))setTimeout(a,0);else%20a();})(screen,document,encodeURIComponent,'','','http://www-static.zhan.com/web/frontend/static/images/img627/logo_new.png', '推荐 一声兄弟大过天〃 的问题《要考试了，求雅思作文批改老师一枚，急！》','//www.zhan.com/ask/q-3467.html','页面编码gb2312|utf-8默认gb2312'));){kind=link}
推荐小站论坛雅思写作批改哦，这是之前小站的老师给我的写作批改：
The given line graph and table give data on the number of overseas visitors traveling to Australia in millions of people from the year 1975 to 2005 and shows 【注意主谓一致问题，主语是The given line graph and table，谓语应该用show】the number of travelers from 6 different parts of the world.<!--?xml:namespace prefix = "o" /-->
As is presented in the line graph, in 1975, 8.8 million foreign visitors took trips to Australia and this number increased steadily each year. In 2005, the number of travelers reached 30.4 million【本句中which引导代指前半句话的内容，建议用逗号隔开，非限制性定语从句】 which is almost twice as much as the number of visitors in 1975【1975年人数为8.8 million，2005年人数30.4 million，是1975年的两倍？远远不止两倍，信息错误】.
The table gives the largest number of tourists, which is more than 3 million Japanese visitors, coming from Japan in 1975【一般不用“gives”表示图表“显示...”。前面已经提及是Japanese visitors,后面无需再提到coming from Japan，信息重复】.Furthermore, in 2005, this number of tourists from Japan reached12 million which contributed one-third of the total tourists of this year【信息需更加准确，占游客人数的三分之一，one-third of the total number of the tourists of this year】. South Korea has the second highest number of visitors coming to Australia both in 1975 and in 2005 with 2.9 million and 9.1 million travelers respectively. The following countries of Europe, Britain, and USA obtained a decent number of tourists【建议补充具体的数据或者对比，概念不清晰】 in both 1975 and 2005 compared with the total number of visitors in Japan and South Korea. However, Chinese visitors are the lowest in number among the six regions with only 0.8 million in 2005.
In sum, the number of total tourists who came to visit Australia increased steadily and the highest number of tourist came from Asia, specifically from Japan and South Korea.